Read this – it’s IMPORTANT!

No, I’m joking. It’s not important. It’s not really important because I haven’t posted it on Twitter. And, even if I did, it would only be one post. However, if I could just get a few hundred people to re-tweet the post, it could well make the 6 o’clock news! Then everyone would know it’s important because of the number of people tweeting it.

That’s how we know something is important, that is.

I think it’s fair to say that, looking back on it, the First and Second World Wars were pretty uneventful in the scale of humanity. After all, how many people tweeted about the Blitz? Go on, you find me a single one! There you go. World Wars with no tweets = unimportant. Whereas should some X-factor contestant be deported based on thousands of reality TV viewers voicing their opinions on it in 140 characters or less = massively important to the nation’s consciousness.

Also, it’s only just been revealed that all those security agents scrambling over JFK’s Cadillac weren’t actually trying to save their dying President. They were actually looking for their iphones to tweet, ‘Damn-it, boss dead. May lose job.’

CGI facial hair

Leo what’s-his-name is still desperately trying to shake off that ‘kid-look’ he had when he was drowning with my foot on his head at the end of Titanic (or maybe that was just my wishful thinking). He’s grown a beard – possibly because he’s starring opposite Russell ‘monotone’ Brand (or is it Crowe?) in Body of Lies. Anyway, I think he thinks if he looks like the offspring of ZZ Top he’ll be taken more seriously in the War on Terror.

Luckily, he’s on our side (as we’re the good guys – obviously). And a damn fine job he does of it. I watched him walk into one of those scary ‘terrorist cells’ we’re always hearing about on CNN and mercilessly gun down a load of non-English speaking people with funny names.

It just got me thinking. This is Hollywood’s version of the story. I know Iraq and Afghanistan aren’t exactly renown for their epic blockbusters, but part of me would still like to see them have a go at one. Picture it, a gun-totting Arab, blissfully blasting those evil infidels away in that funky ‘bullet-time’ slow motion effect the Matrix pioneered. Would it work? Or would the CIA just close my blog for even daring to suggest it?

God bless America by the way.