Marks & Spencer cash in on latest ‘egg-throwing’ publicity stunt

Marks & Spencer have issued a statement to all would-be eco-concerned anarchists, confirming that their eggs are all free-range and were laid by chickens who have given their permission by signing a legally-binding contract, allowing their unhatched offspring to be taken before they were born then boiled, scrambled or poached, depending on your choice. Therefore, M&S eggs are the perfect weapon of choice to throw at self-important, multi-millionaire celebrities.

Since Simon Cowell was covered in ovulated poultry, people have been queuing up at the Marks & Spencer produce counter to purchase an environmentally-friendly projectile to launch at smug showbiz types.

This craze has forced M&S to cancel its new line of underwear for the nearly-retired and, instead, replace it with a wide choice of ecologically-sound missiles with which to hit back at those with more money than you. Early favourites are:

1. Dolphin-friendly cans of tuna, perfect for lobbing at Jamie Oliver.
2. Organic cotton underwear which can be hurled at Piers Morgan (preferably after they’ve been worn for several weeks prior to the attack).
3. Naturally-brewed Mulled Wine, ideal for tipping over a politician at any gathering

If this product line proves as popular with customers as the ‘Simon Cowell eggs range’ then we can expect to see Marks & Spencer moving further into development of weapons of mass celebrity destruction, including ‘Anti Hugh Grant landmines’ and ‘Surface to Air Justin Bieber warheads.’


Just one Gluten Wheat and Dairy-free loaf away from complete public humiliation

BNP also expresses disgust at the EDL

British National Party leader, Nick Griffin, has joined the nationwide condemnation of the English Defence League, saying that they have drummed up more negative feelings in one week than the BNP has managed in decades.

Long has Nick ‘the squint’ Griffin’s party been the favourite bag-guys of rational Britain. However, the tragic death of Drummer Lee Rigby has caught the ‘traditional’ racist party napping, allowing the EDL to storm ahead in the fascist polls.

BNP member, Marcus Reid, from Rotherham said, “It’s an absolute disgrace. Overnight, people are thinking that we’re suddenly almost nice compared to these EDL thugs. What we need is to mobilise our forces to do something really nasty – and quick about it – perhaps if we killed a few kittens while listening to a James Blunt CD, people would start to hate us properly again.”

Shopkeeper, Mohammed Al Farsi, from Streatham was quoted as saying, “Actually, these BNP types are all right really. They just like waving flags and stuff. I’m okay with that. I can’t remember the last time they tangled with police. I’d happily vote for Nick Griffin if he’d do something about these EDL lot.”

Nick Griffin has simply tweeted: It was not meant to be like this.


Promises to work harder at being badder.