I just wanted to say a big thanks to Hemel Waterstones for having me in their store on Saturday signing my new book, Suburbia, along with the residents of Hemel themselves who actually went as far as to buy my book (although my emotional blackmail of ‘support a local author’ probably went some way to aid my sales figures!
One thing I learned was: don’t try and flog a book to a couple who appear to argue all the way round the store. This young couple walked into Waterstones arguing. They then walked round the entire store arguing. And, finally, they left the shop, still ranting at each other. I’m guessing that purchasing a copy of a surreal sci-fi romp midway through their domestic battle wouldn’t really have solved all their problems, so I didn’t bother asking.
I also didn’t bother trying to flog a copy to a man who stood in the store for nearly as long as I did. Although, he read (what I presumed was) an entire graphic novel (as opposed to buying it).
One kind couple did buy a copy of Suburbia. Then the husband said, “And if you die in a bus crash on the way home, it’ll be worth even more!” Um, yeah, thanks for that. It’s now Monday and I’m still alive and kicking – sorry if that detracts from your copy’s resale value.
Another family bought a copy and said that they’d read one of my books in Holland. I smiled politely and said something like “Well, obviously!” I think they may have got me confused with someone else, but, if anyone out there has seen a copy of anything I’ve written anywhere beyond these shores, please let me know – there’s a signed bookmark for the first person!
And, last of all, I’m seriously wondering whether I should ask Waterstones to actually PAY me to be there. Not because I bring in much extra money for the morning, but because I can also double as a security guard. You would not believe the amount of customers who chose to show me their books on the way out to prove that they didn’t steal them. There you go Waterstones, just buy me a peaked cap and I’ll keep your store safe for the morning!
Monday, August 6, 2012
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