Hitler – not so bright

It was just as well that Mr Hitler never truly got to grips with British culture – otherwise we wouldn’t have stood a chance back in 1939. Silly old Adolf spent years wasting the lives of German pilots, trying to bomb us into submission.

Why didn’t he just leave us alone for ten months of the year then, when the British Isles got hit by the first light snowfall, send in the troops? They would have been goose-stepping into Trafalgar Square and we would never have known.

I doubt very much if we would have noticed, let alone be able to stop them. Hitler obviously never realised that every British citizen goes into hibernation at the first sign of snow. We’d have just woken up one morning to find swastikas hanging from every lamppost, shook our heads collectively and said something like, “Don’t much like the look of that – we’ll have to do something about that in the Spring.”

One consolation: we could have filmed their Panza tanks on our camera phones as they humorously slid and slipped around on our non-gritted roads… then uploaded the footage to Youtube for everyone else to laugh at fascists falling over.