It’s snowing outside and – shock horror – I don’t care. Sometimes I think I must be the only person in Britain who’s world doesn’t come crashing to a standstill at the sight of white frozen water, floating in the air and settling lightly on the ground.
It hasn’t even set properly and the news is already warning that the roads haven’t been gritted. Um, it is December, isn’t it? Isn’t that – like – Winter, i.e. the time when we expect the cold weather? Obviously not.
Come tomorrow morning no one will be able to get into work, school or anywhere else that isn’t six inches outside the confines of their snuggly warm duvet…apart from me that is. I’ve been out there. I drove out in the snow of February 2009. Okay, I didn’t speed, but I got where I needed to be. The only problems I encountered were idiot motorists who kept stopping to leave their cars on the side of the roads. Once I’d circumnavigated my way around them, I was well on my way.
Last Summer Hollywood released its latest ‘epic disaster movie’ 2012. It was about earthquakes and floods and that. I’m waiting for Britain to cash in on the idea. We won’t have meteor showers, undead uprisings or flesh-eating viruses. No, our epic disaster movie will merely be called ‘Snow’ *cue the thunderous scary music to accompany such a nightmarish scenario*. We can watch thousands of Brits panicking all across the land because they can’t get to an office they don’t really want to in the first place. At worst, someone won’t get their free newspaper. I can hardly wait. I’ll watch it from the confines of my office – safe in the knowledge that I’m the only bugger not affected by hellish snow.
