Star Wars to save on special effects for the new trilogy

Having listened to audience criticism regarding the Star Wars prequels, namely them being a little too ‘special effects heavy’ (and that Jar Jar Binks needed an anvil to fall on top of him, pronto), studio chiefs at Disney have decided to find a naturally-occurring location that will double as a barren and hostile alien planet.

Therefore, much of the filming for the upcoming trilogy will be shot in Scotland. Since the country has already been used to portray (with great ease) (a) a heroin-riddled community in ‘Trainspotting’ (b) a distopic wasteland ravaged with zombies in ‘World War Z’ and (c) a society of cannibals in ‘Doomsday,’ film-makers thought it would be the ideal place to set a dark and menacing alien colony, filled with war-mongering mutant psychopaths.

Scotland has reacted favourably to the news. One Glaswegian resident, who was unable to recall his own name, was quoted as saying, “Rich American film-stars are just what we need here. The average local is barely worth mugging any more.”


You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.