Wow! I’m so cool. I know this because I’ve stopped putting petrol in my car like the rest of you losers. I put Tesco’s ‘Momentum’ in my engine. And, the great thing is, it only costs an extra ten pence a litre more than all you sados’ regular petrol.
Because that’s the kind of guy I am – I go around thinking, ‘You know what… petrol isn’t expensive enough. I think it should be dearer, called something trendier and I’d be quite happy to pay extra for the name change.’
Also, my car obviously likes it. I can tell. Before it used to just drive me round. But now… it just drives me round – only with a smugger kind of fume coming out of its exhaust pipe.
Excuse me, I’m now off to the kitchen to boil the kettle and pour myself a nice cup of ‘Excalibur’ in my best china Excalibur cup (the Excalibur bags all cost a pound extra per dozen).
My dad would refuse to put supermarket brand petrol in his car even of they called it Gold dust and offered a free blow job whilst fueling up.
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